What Your Email Address Says About You

Posted: June 9, 2011 in Internet, Journalism, Media, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

by Elliot Adams

It says absolutely bugger-all, contrary to popular belief it is just an email address.

Your handwriting says nothing more about you than how you hold your pen and how you have learnt to scratch out your rudimentary mark on pieces of paper with an inkstick. Your preference for the colour red doesn’t mean that you’re “optimistic and can’t stand monotony”, it means you like the colour red. Your hair does not, as some claim, reveal the inner workings of your sexuality, it is a hairstyle not a psychiatrist – the difference is subtle sometimes, but concentrate and you’ll get it. One “professor” may claim that your sleeping position shows your personality and garnered much coverage of his claims, but as his website brags of their ‘holistic methods‘ I’m willing to guess this is utter bollocks too. Your lipstick, browser, iPod, sneeze, car and alcohol are not magic – though the latter may sometimes feel like it, especially absinthe. They cannot tell the future or read your mind, not every choice you make will reveal a fundamental unshakable truth about your personality.

If you really want to learn the deep secrets of your personality and how they are revealed by everyday minutiae, then there is but one way;

Take a square of paper and fold the corners into the centre, flip it over and do the same on the other side, pull the new corners in and up towards each other making a pyramid and pulling out the finger tabs at the bottom – congratulations you have made a fortune-teller.

what your says about you what your hair favourite color colour hairstyle says about your personality fortune teller what your name says about you

Image: Paul Blais

Now slap yourself across the face and grow the fuck up.

Addendum: If you are a journalist and have covered one of the above as though it were a story, I want you to follow this slap up with some cigarette burns to the eyelids, well done you rightfully self-loathing hack. Stop crying, journalists do not cry.

  1. Arrrgh! The car link went to AskMen, triggering a lightning-fast click-away reflex. Junk site if there ever was one.

    That said, you have to agree that if a 30-year-old guy has the dough, and chooses to buy a Porsche instead of a Volvo station wagon, he’s making a certain statement about what kind of person he is. What’s the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? With a porcupine, the prick’s on the outside.

  2. balladeer says:

    Hilarious! I want to know what people’s choices in emoticons says about them.

  3. Sarah Fuller says:

    1st rule of Media Club – Journalists do not cry.
    2nd rule of Media Club – Journalists do NOT cry!
    3rd rule – Someone yells stop… goes limp… or taps out… the interview is over


    • Elliot Adams says:

      lol, that’s great, I’m going to have to steal that at some point haha.

      ‘journalists do not cry’ is actually a misquotation from Transmetropolitan – I love that comic.

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